I love England, but help me understand The English
By Julie Meyer
As an outsider building a firm in the United Kingdom, I'm constantly searching for the key to understanding the British mind and behavior. The events of this autumn have given me many further clues into the psyche of the British. I'm still piecing my puzzle together, but the picture gets clearer all the time.
First of all, I was invited to a lunch
the day that David Cameron announced that he was standing for his party's
leadership. There I was with many leading folks mostly from business who
had opportunities to ask questions - 
mostly
to listen. I have to admit that I totally didn't predict his meteoric
rise, and was frankly a bit more impressed with George Osborne who was
there at the lunch across the table. When I suggested that the Conservative
party should brand themselves the party of entrepreneurial Britain as
that's where the UK's growth story would have to come from - from its
entrepreneurs - I received the most polite non-response I've ever heard.
Something along the lines of "that's an incredibly important point, and
we're doing everything we can….."
Out visiting a friend in Windsor the other day [not the Queen], I took a stroll through Eton, and thought about how much was packed into the fact that Cameron was an Eton grad, and how that divided people about his ability to lead the party and the country. One response I heard was, "another public school boy twit - even the mere thought that he would be in the running is unbelievable." I can't feel these distinctions myself because I'm an outsider, but they are real and they are strong. The reactions that friends of mine have had to Cameron spell it all out. Sometimes I wonder what the effect would be on the average young boy in this country if there were no distinctions of birth whatsoever. It might be positive.
These distinctions run deep in the English culture. A great play that touches on some of these distinctions is Simon Gray's "Otherwise Engaged" at the Criterion Theatre in London through January 2006. The writing is superb; the meaning dense. I remember Richard E. Grant from "Withnail And I" which I adored and absorbed on my junior abroad to the UK in 1986. He is a force, and his portrayal of Simon Hench is a masterstroke.
Sadly, I know many Simon Hench's here in the UK: men who have 'made it', sophisticated, urbane and utterly selfish and clueless about their lives with no capacity for emotional intimacy. Simon, a publisher, publishes books he hasn't read from authors he doesn't respect, and wants nothing more than to go home to his luxuriant abode and listen to his new recording of Wagner's Parsifal. Wagner is a kind of proxy for Simon to experience some sort of emotional state. Some people drink or smoke to get in touch with their emotions; he listens to Wagner. He's aware that his wife is sleeping with another man, and allows it to continue preferring to wait until she gets over the guy rather than face the reality that all is not well in the Hench household. Simon also can't seem to draw a connection between his own unfaithfulness and that of his wife.
As a woman watching "Otherwise Engaged", you can't miss the strange views that these English men on stage have towards women. Women are either dumb or pretty or both but nothing more. The lack of emotional intimacy between men and women is part of an English reserve that I'll never understand.
The theme of Inequality runs deep in "Otherwise Engaged". Simon's brother didn't go to Oxford, and has struggled a lot more to achieve in life. And Simon treats him with a condescending disdain masked with a politeness that the brother reads accurately and yet puts up with. There is a dim tenant who Simon allows to live for free upstairs but who is subjected to intellectual barbs that the half-wit can't even comprehend. He too is jealous of Simon. The play plays with the concept of what we owe each other in terms of respect and social justice. Those who seem to "have it all" may be the poorest of all in terms of the real gifts of life. And interestingly I believe the play suggests that those who are somehow most concerned with social justice might start first by simply respecting those who they feel are their inferiors.
"Otherwise Engaged" is a slice of England, and I think an accurate one. AA Gill's recent article, "I Hate England" - http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1848835,00.html - is much more controversial [and I realize written with an agenda]. Many English who I have shared this article with have taken offense at his thesis that the defining characteristic of the English is anger - either repressed or demonstrated anger. I believe it's worth exploring as I personally sense an enormous amount of what in America gets called - "passive aggressiveness" - in my day-to-day life in the UK. People who with a smile on their face are keen to insult you or take you down a notch, but in a "perfect crime" kind of way - not leaving a trace of their need to lash out. Again, I can't help but wonder if this anger would fade if there were no distinctions of birth whatsoever and if there were less focus on social justice and more on individual accountability. It might be interesting to find out.
Part of what is wonderful about living abroad from your native land is the freedom it gives you. You are stripped away from any comfort zone, and have to rebuild your identity around things that you proactively choose rather than that which has been given to you. It's an honest and non-stop exercise to say the least. What's positive and revolutionary about the concept of America - its freedoms and inspirational culture - I'd like to think I take with me wherever I travel. What's powerful about living in the UK is the sense of history and the role that the UK continues to play in the world. No other nation sits at the cross-roads of so many important relationships and spheres of influence. I'd like to think that I've become a better global citizen by living my life and building my businesses in the UK.
An alternative view on the British is given by a good friend of mine who recently encouraged me to read: "A Sunday at the Pool in Kigali", by Gil Courtemanche. On page 138, a Canadian journalist is speaking, "You see, each country has a colour, a smell, and also a contagious sickness. In my country the sickness is complacency. In France it is arrogance, and in the United States it's ignorance." My friend continues, "And I think AA Gill is just making it up - the English are polite and David Cameron is storming the country because he is polite …."