The Smart Money is on Women

By Julie Meyer

It's taken 40 years, but at this point, I am inside the Matrix. I - am - seeing - code. For those of you who have not seen the movie, The Matrix or its sequels, it chronicles a cosmic battle where the forces of good and evil battle it out in space but everything is being controlled by a computer. The main characters slip in and out of real life, attempting to control the computer which is designing reality. Love is the force which cuts through the Matrix's digital universe and breaks the code.

On my 40th birthday weekend in August, I read an article by Jay McInerney [of Bright Lights Big City fame] who described - and I paraphrase here liberally - how embarrassed he is today in front of his 11 year old daughter for all of the womanising he's done over the years. He certainly wouldn't want some young man to treat his daughter the way that he treated women in his past. I thought about that circle of life, and what fathers who love their daughters must want for them. I was so fortunate on two accounts: 1] that my father is a gentleman, and 2] that he told me that I could do anything I set out to do. I tested that last point on multiple occasions growing up - by announcing what I would do: Julie would become an astronaut. Julie would become the President of the United States. And lo, he never laughed at me.

When a man is a gentleman, his daughters are both blessed and cursed as gentlemen are increasingly rare in the 21st century, and the bar is raised so much higher for their daughters then in terms of the men that they can consider making their partners in life. It can be very depressing. But you would never want to trade places.

Growing up, I was very much into sports. I played 3 hours of sport a day from the time I was 6 until 17. It helped keep me unbelievably fit, and built a psyche of strength and winning that to this day, I've not been able to shake.

It's also part of the reason why I never give up or never accept "no". I've been in too many basketball games where my team is trailing, and we pull together and win the game. It all starts in the mind, but the body is execution. As a sophomore in highschool, I remember being 42 points behind in one basketball game [that's 21 baskets behind, and bloody hard to recover from], and coming back to win by 4 points. This is good training for taking body blows later in life or in business, and realising that you're not dead, until you're dead. More importantly, you can pull yourself out of [just about] anything. Sometimes you need to come really close to the wall to understand what is going to make you win. I know from personal experience that there is nothing so enlightening as a near death experience to enable one to see the path through the night.

Any father who has daughters should care about whether his girls play sport. On top of all of the other reasons mentioned above, girls develop "body confidence" by diving for volleyballs, swimming laps, shooting baskets and sweating profusely. You learn to inhabit your bodies.

Years later at age 21, I found myself in Paris doing photo shoots and catwalks for a short while. Suddenly, being a beanstalk was cool. Girls who should have had total body confidence because of their looks, were listless and intimidated once you scratched through the make-up. With all of the discussion of how thin models are in the media today, I always think that both sides are missing the point. It's not about thin or fat. It is about how strong.

Strength in women has always been tricky. What's wonderful about being a woman in the 21st century is that we can be strong and feminine. But that's a nuance that a lot of people can't interpret yet.

The problem is not that misogyny exists. It's that so many women are complicit in it. Before you can expect someone else to respect your strength, you must own it yourself. There's no question that a lot of men - but also women - will read confident, independent women - as a threat. Rather than a social good.

When you look at the facts - however - about how women care for the next generation, are some of the most creditworthy blocks of society in emerging markets [look at the success of the Grameen Bank centered in loaning to poor women], and put women's power in a geo-political context, you come to the conclusion that men and women should do everything that they can to increase the power of women in the world. Increasing the power of women starts by women and those around them investing in them.

So what does that have to do with the dying breed of gentlemen?

Going back to the Jay McInerney article - what's difficult in relationships between men and women is - not - to have them. People slip in and out of so-called relationships very casually these days. My personal opinion is that casual relationships have terrible consequences for a woman's self-confidence, but this is tough for a lot of women to accept. What's difficult is to have amazing relationships - where the respect, love, trust, passion is intense. It's a lot to play for, and many people settle for common infidelity, mundane arrangements and have stopped believing a long time ago that they could find their match.

And that is the dance of the 21st century that we will watch unfold - how men become gentlemen again, and become wise to the value of having strong women in their lives who are ladies as well as wives, business partners, and tennis partners. When girls invest in themselves, they become strong women. When men respect that strength in women, a virtuous circle ensues. Strength and power beget more strength and power. We all win.

That circle today is a downward spiral. The power of peer pressure and poor rolemodels on young women is immense. What is needed is to create an alternate source of inspiration for young women other than the media attention on how they look and whether they are attractive to men. A safe zone for them to be girls who connect with each other as they develop their talents, senses of humor, and futures. There should be some prizes to play for, some use of tech to connect them, some involvement from their very busy dads who probably outsource parenting to their wives, and some alternative examples of what success looks like for a woman. It is not Paris Hilton, nor Britney Spears - no matter how much money they have. And dare I say it - it's ok for a girl to be so busy investing in her future that she forgets to have a boyfriend until she's - oh - 21 or older.

I am setting up a foundation to foster that safe zone. I had it as a child and young woman, and I want other girls to know it's OK to be who they are. Whenever I have come under attack as an adult, my confidence takes a hit - I'm human - but there is an internal resilience now that I realise my parents were wise to foster. I bounce back because there is a clear core to bounce back from. I know who I am and what I will fight for. If you don't know who you are, and too early you have started trying to live your life for others, you collapse the first time an important relationships fails, a job is lost, etc. We have all of our lives to be adults - some 60 years. Becoming an adult is different, and it's a wonderful passage that shouldn't be truncated by adult worries and complexities.

Back to the Matrix.

The new rules of engagement are being written now by strong feminine women who are doing amazing things - building families, building companies, building countries. Some of us will write that code. Others will merely read it. Still others will be trying to upgrade their mental software frantically to interpret the writing on the screen. This is not going to be easy. Women are demanding to make their unique contribution - each of them - in the world. And they want men who are gentlemen in their lives - who are strong enough to be happy that they have amazing women to treat well.

Like all conflict throughout history though, the winners are those who get to the other side first and welcome what is inevitable.

Dear reader, you can play this one long or short, messy or clean, but the smart money is on women in the 21st century.